May everything will be fine..:(

Sorry guys...I hope to be happy too..but i cant..T.T..This few days..i dunno what happen to me..I just cant express and the feelings here..GT a lots of feelings..Sad again? Worried? Speechless? Hopeless? ...I seriously dunno what am i doing!!..i tink 2 days ago..i was lying on the bed rolling here n thr..dunno what im thinking...its like too many of things im worried..at night was superb bored..not bored..but i cant even sleepp..cause afternoon,when im listening to song..i slept..im trying to tell myself forget everyting n just be happy..Nowadays i even have a nightmare..i just cant sleep well..I wonder who will understand my feelings now?..No one's?..And now i most worried was my sister!!!..HEr stomach was so so pain..on the right side..i very scared n so so worried about her!!..We scared it was appendix..im not sure the spelling..:(..She dunwan to see doc~...I do understand her feelings..All the frens said..pls dun be so childish..go see doc..We know..But we scared..i know some ppl scared too..I just dunno how to say tat feeling,..TIs morning..she really very in pain..n finally decided to see doc..I was so worried..at my room..was praying n crying..phew..seriously..i dunno how..U know y i always said myself useless??..ITs not because i always said i scared tis n that..I keep asking myself Y u always so scared tis n that??..Y r u so childish??..Y??..IF like that..How r u going to continue ur life??..ITs was true.,Sometimes i even asked myself..y ppl nt scared or y ppl can do it..y u cant??..Tat time i was trying to hate myself..I know im childish n lame..SO i asked myself again u tink u hate urself , u tink u can be better??..But i rly tried my best to be better..When im young..i tink when im 7 yrs old..i so scared inject..i sceamed until the whole school know abt it..i scared animals..I wonder what i dun scared??..If u were me..Will u be fed up??..NOw i just wan my sis to be recover first...hopefully is not appendix!!PLS!!:(((((((((((((....I do know her feelings..but no one's know mine.. FR NOw..i dun tink i can continue blog..Since i dunno how to describe anymore~~..I dunno now whether im missing someone anot..argh..screw it!!..>.<...Take care guys!!

=((((((((...hate myself

Uhhh..finally i blog again..if can i hope not to blog here..cause whenver i blog here it will be a sad post or emo post..i hate it..actually i wanna del this blog..cause i dun like it..but this blog is the one can i can share out my feelings..so i started about charity dinner first alright??..Actually i was not going fr charity dinner..but comm ask us to help out selling drinks..i dunwan..cause it was mum's b.day and have my cousin's gathering..but at last i went..cause my parents let me go..so at last i went..cause i tink that helping out is a good thing n i rly dun mind to help..since parents let n comm call..so i went..I was so frustrated in the early..cause i someone promise me to fetch me..but she is late..i so scared im late..cause i scare scolded..luckily i went nthg..then thy call us went up...and we doin nthg!!..standing thr like idiot..then the sargent ling call us to eat..and we dunwan..cause we said we r nt hungry..then he said at least eat some..cause later walk here n thr will be very tired..so he called us too..and he called us mix with the perimbum members eat together..and we fun mind..but the place like so full..we dun dare to take the food..cause thy r eating..so at last we didnt..Honestly that day i will regret going thr..cause i dunno that selling the drinks need to here n thr..i thought just stand thr..not only that..we scolded by mr logan..cause we carrying bags..he said, '' y r u all carrying bags??''..''tell me the reason''...we r scared n we dunno what to answer..''and he said u all doing duty izit??''..n he scolded us n call us put down our bag!..I was so so so scared..but we dunno ryte??..y he scolded us??..we came here the first time , n no one telling us what to do..fine..when selling the drinks the guest showing the faces thy dun like..cause we ask n ask..is not we wanted it k?..it an order!..The worst was the idiot guy..of his fren told him that dont i got feel to him??..then i was like wth in my heart , he smile n keep looking at me..n last he bought..wth la..what thy tink me??..i not that cheap okay??..im not that ppl..so i just screw it..n then i didnt eat at all..was super pain my hand..cause carry those drinks..didnt sit at all..n feeling to vomit..luckily i bring sweet n eat~..i tink i was hungry when seeing ppl eat..zz..=.=''..it was kinda fun..i tink..cause i seeing them rly enjoy..so yeah..i tink tat it..i dunwan mention it already..after that the next morning..cousin wedding!!..so woke up rly early..i help her collect ang pau..cause she called me..so i helped her..but i didnt toke it k..and at night we had the dinner..i tell my face like ghost i tink??..its kinda over..i tink la..cause i make up by my aunty..so..i keep asking my mum, that i tink my make up like over abit??..she said nola..it not over..and she said later the spotlight dun rly see my face dy..so yeah..n i so scared when i reached thr..cause we r kinda late..n many ppl was thr seeing at me..i so shy..>.<..n the make up rly not that obvious..^_^..haha..n thy keep call us take photo..i dnwan..i shy..n the worst is comparing us again..this time cant run cause later my mum will stare at me saying i no manners??..i hate it seriously...!!cause the charity night also gt someone comparing us..n my fren go tell the diff n show it!!..i so fed up with her seriously..i dunwan mention it dy..so the dinner was great la..at last the bride give me ang pau..haha..whee..cause my sis n i helped her out i tink??..i help her hold the gaun..so the conclusion fr the dinner was not bad!!!...and so full fr the foods!!fat again..zz..although now im trying to eat less dy..lunch smtimes i eat lit sometimes i dun eat..but no result ..swt..=.=''..And today..was bored..And just now i was seriously upset!!..n dissapointed again!!..I tell u..i was not a strong girl..but im doing my best!!..I keep cried i know...so what??..im childish..n u thought i wanna do that purposely??..For what?..T.T..I trying my best dun be sad..but y u all treat me like that??..y??..what i done wrong again??..Tell me!!..u all dun like tell me la..I better dunwan to know..when i know it u know hw hurt am i??..I have to make a fake smile to u all n keep in the heart..All this while i not brave to scold u all..Cause i tink u r my fren..just fgt abt it..I rly thought u as my rly good fren..u know whatever it is..i dunwan to lose u all..i admit i very lit fren..i dunno why..mayb i done wrong??..i dunno..U all blame everyting on me n my sis??..Everyitme also i wrong??..My fren all call me to ignore u kinds of fren..but i didnt do u know??..I wanna have someone to tell..but i sure will cry..again!!..im not a perfect or good girl..i seriously do hate myself..but i have no choice??..if u hated me..curse me lo..curse me die la..u always wan ryte??T.T..>.<..now i feeling to cry..:((((((((((((((..later sure cant sleep wan..haiz..kla..nyway i wanna thanks to some of my fren..which support me..when im down~...