Sunday, July 31, 2011

Hopefully I can stay stronger and stronger and never give up! And this is call what life is! Always up and down~ D:

Hey, I'm finally back for blogging..:) Well, I still remembered this blog last time created is because I have no one to express my feeling D: It's had been so long I didnt get to blog.. So my blog really dead.. And i dun mind because the 1st time i created this blog of purpose is just to share out my feelings. In this few weeks, If I didnt really feel down, mayb i might not blogging here now. Since so long i never blog, surely alot of things happened. But i tink i manage because i tink i meet someone to share with? I wont tell is who surely..haha:P Actually at 1st i dunwan to share with ''him/ her'' but he/she makes me feeling to say at last.. I dunwan cause i scared he/she will feel im annoying and childish or watever :S But he/she said dun mind :) So yeah, finally i told some of it? And of course feel so much better :) Well, this few weeks and days i get so emo..because of exams result , friendship and family stuff D: Really very emo and down..especially this 2 days..T.T Do you know this few days I cant sleep ? I always sleep at 4am.. Alot of thing come true my mind.. And friday night that day, I cried cause i rly cant stand with it..D: I guess that time and that moment rly very painD: and finally cried out? I was feeling sms someone that time but that time was so late already and I dunwan everytime telling ppl im feeling so down , this and tat and having so much problems everyday. To be honest, I really very disspointed with friendship..So many times, i getting hurt.. I dont mind how and what others think and say about me BUT ''YOU" as my fren saying those words, do u know its hurt and how much it hurts? You know me, i have not much fren and thats why i very appreciate you guys, but did you? Do you know somehow my mum dont like you but i still insist and i stand fr you all? I didnt look down on you guys but you guys look down on me? And the most hurt things, you said that im ''pihak ketiga of other?'' and said to others how bad am i? Why dont u tell me? Cause of you, i cried so many times? I told myself to stay storng? I just never expect you are saying and doing that and you said u were in anger tat time? If you are anger that time, then why i know that u were doing so many times? T.T .. You said u might influenced by others? Then do you know my feelings? I already trying my best ignore the rumours arnd and backstab abt me in skul! Im very stressed enuf! I just need just some of you to support me thats all. Then my result tis time was really really freaking bad.. Really D: When i took my exam result, I really can predict it was rly bad..and when i took it,..it was rly bad..I FAIL D: At 1st, telling myself dun cried cause u cant change anyting already but just accept the fact and face it! And do well next time..Cause i can tell i last minute study and busy fr skul competition T.T But when i get to know my maths fail..My tears just auto drop and dunno how to face my parents. Then , got correction and went infront and talk to teacher and teacher saw my result damn bad and ask why i drop? I dunno how to answered her and look to her eyes, i cried out..non stopping..really my hearts goes very pain..rly cried terribly after so long. I feel im so useless and why i didnt do well? Teacher pull me and advise me and call me do well next time. Still gt end year exam and so on..long story~ Then went back, really dunno how to tell my parents till now i haven tell D: But at 1st i had told them i didnt do well already :( Well, for my family prob, i dunno how to describe. The most hurt was, yesterday! I am a very careles girl! Always! i know i am D: I am so sorry daddy, mummy, bro and sis! I doesnt wanted to make the day so terrible! I am so sorry D: I know i am just useless and careless.. I know i cant blame anyone, and i just can blame myself. I also dunwan this, its long story too,..i dun tink i will tell what happened but I can just say i dunno why i will be like tat and so stupid D: the worst ting is when in the cinema , i heard bro said i spoilt the whole family mood and boring to go out with me..thought that can have fun together and said next time dunwan go out with me ady? My heart goes so pain and my tears drop when im watching in the cinema.. No one know i guess.. I am so sorry.. I know im not good and i flashed back last time I was always the wrong one too in the family..alot alot of tings till ystdy 4am left me alone and i cant sleep D: I just wanna said sorry D: I am not a good fren and a daughter or whoever i tink? And yes it is! I just wanna thanks to some of them really cheer me up all this while although some of them didnt understand me and make me sometimes but nvm :) and yeah my frenship prob, somehow and sometimes i feel i better to be lonely as my sis said..cause did you realise i always stand fr ur attitude and blame me everyting ? and i didnt care..u know its so suffer and it hurts? So sis was saying did thy tink our feelings b4? did thy realise their action and words? We born is not to stand their attitude and not a toys fr them. If like tat rather to be lonely? And mayb its more happy and peace? Since we are always lonely though? Somehow i feel its true.. Alot of tings la..till really cant finish describe~ really T.T Anway, Wanna thank you again fr those who rly cares me all this while! You know who you are! <3 and I know no one will see my blog though cause its lame though and no one know i guess? Anyway, take care guys!

Oh yeah, that day was kinda emo i created this..frm my heart i guess? :) hehe

''You always thought you know everything,
You always think you know how I feel,
But I always keep my sadness with a fake smile,
Just because to make you not worried and I smile cause you =)''

Yeah, thats all for now :) superb long post >_<