Worst to worst? I dunno what to do...God please guide me..D:

Today is Friday.. Today I guess it was the worst day ever in this year? I dont know.. I dont know what to do..I really need some guideness..D: I very sufffering of sadness.. I dont want emo everytime but I cant.. Actually no one's like to emo la..except maybe wan sympathise? If you tink i am..then screw me then.. I dont mind.. Well, why am I sad today? I also dunno how to express it..it just complicated . The main category is my family and my friends. Well, past few days..im tired and enough with some stuff which really make me down and piss me off! Im enough with a girl.. She is damn freaking fake! Stop acting infront me! U know me well.. U know i dont like you, and im sure u know urself well more than me that you dont like me..And why are you trying to act? You left us..and you have ur own gang.. When in the skul, u never talk to us..but when after skul..staying back..u have no one in ur gang..and u came to us? Wth? Who do you tink u are? And u are just acting good to us so u r not alone? U saying how bad am i and everyting..even backstab me in other ppl.. I ady dont mind.. But pls! U friend me just to take advantange.! I dont need you..Cause you choose to be that way 1st!

Sad part was...ermm...

Well the sadest part was about my family..
A very long story..

Today let mum scold us.. I feel damn hurt..and cried terribly..
The hurt thing ever is..this was the 1st time she said is..I have NO SELF PRIDENESS! And said where is myself prideness go.. I was like.. I dunno what i have done? I really dont know.. Well, I admit im not a really good daughter.. But if you said about my studies.. I was sad.. I know im not that clever..BUT then i tried my best.. U call me not to compare with others and u tink i have? I doesnt ANYMORE! Last time i was. But now I told myself not to compare.. cause i know this is what god gives me and my parents. AND this is really who am I. And i tried not to care what ppl said me too..i dont care the gossip anymore..but still im still a human..if u said infront of me smthg bad and i never did it..surely i will fight back la right? U said I care my frens more than you. Sometime you care someone doesnt mean you have to show it okay.. Im trying to understand you, mummy! I know you are suffering frm work everyday till midnight always.. Im trying to understand your situation.. But sometimes I hope you understand me aswell? You never know how sad am i and u never know too.. I still remembered last time daddy asked me everytime..eh didnt go out with frens on hols..and the answer always will be 'NO! Cause you know why..you also said i have no frens to out too.. you know me.. Daddy somemore said friend is very important..and now finally I have my own friends..which really cares me..and I feel you dont like? Do you know when u all work mon to fri..when im sad..no one cares me..I always talk to the stars alone..and with my toys.. And there's finally someone bring me out to socialize and know more friends and made me not shy anymore..And you said me I've changed alot? Said that im not like last time.. I know what u all worried about..u scared i simply makes ppl and stuff right? If you dont trust them, at least you trust me, your daughter. I know you care me..i appreciate.. I just cant let my friend who cares me to let go me.. Today i cried and tink so many times..maybe i should let go of them and just to be alone in the world..then u satisfied? But I just cant.. I dont want to be alone:( I dont want to be like last time anymore...being a silly girl.. You dont know..everyday at school in the class..like a silly girl..sitting behind there..alone. Do you know that? You never know right.. I wanna tell you all this but you all didnt ask me and you all dont understand me although i explain.. I admit i have my wrong too.. I did not do the responsiblities as daughter well.. Im sorry!:( I just need someone who really cares me whenever I want..I just want some friends to care me..thats all..Smthg you dont like, I trying avoid..what u wan me to do somemore? Tell me..i really dont know.. Im just tired of smile.. The sadness behind a smile.. Even sometimes i practise smiling in front of the mirrror? ==

AS for my brother, disappointed alot! D:..T_T

HE never knows I love him alot and i care him..
He really never know.. I still remembered last time when i were young..we always fight and argue everytime.. There's one day, the ever touched moment he had ever done to me is..When hw was in NS that time.. I miss him alot when he was in NS.. Every sunday, I visit him..just to give him support and see him.. Thats time he cares me and call me take care.. I was really really touched.. And there one sunday,.I cant meet him cause of My skul st john agm.. And i smsed him..I call him take care and i said i miss him.. And he replied he miss me too! When I evr see that message, the tears in my eyes without knowing, it drops.. I feel so so proud and happy I have a bro who cares me..And i thought IF i have no friends one day, At least I have a bro! But After a while he dont cares me when he is back to home.. I know he had gf.. But its seems his GF Is even important than me. Im not jealous..im not.! But im ur sister! U dun treat me as good like ur gf, i dun mind..but dont treat me the bad way just because of ur gf.! Cares me feeling alright! DOnt cause of ur gf scolding and shouting at me! I already keep it to myself..without telling u and u r doing that.. D: And that day, mooncake festival..i thought of just having fun together with him..He was playing candles with his fren..I was not joining him but playing alone and near him..He was taking photo..and sud his NEW phone drop! The 1st ting he scold me! I was like wth? What i did again? I didnt even touch him a hair!!! And he blame me? Call me shut up? scolding me infront of his friends? WTF? I was sad that day and i just wanna just to be happy and not emo.. And he made me cried alone in the room again.. I really dunwan cry. Im sick of it also.. HAiz! I just dont know what to do.. No one's understand me and why is everyone blaming me? What should I do? Tell me? I try not to care, not to think.. I know life is always full of up and down.. Im trying to control myself. Hmm...feel so much better after blogging here and FRISBEE! made me better..:) No matter what, This IS who I really am.. If you dont like me, SCREW ME anytime..its not the 1st time though... and I wanna said before its too late.. I LOVE ALL my friends who cheer me up all the time..cares me and everyting! Although Im know im not a good friend.. its same goes to mummy and daddy.. Im sorry..I just dont know how to social with you..Like there is a gap there.. Maybe..frm small till now..we get to see each other seldom.. But no matter what U r still my family..I know i should appreciate and I did okayy..

Well..After a grandma post, i guess that it for now..:) Hopefully I will be fine..Take care ppl!:)