=((((((((...hate myself

Uhhh..finally i blog again..if can i hope not to blog here..cause whenver i blog here it will be a sad post or emo post..i hate it..actually i wanna del this blog..cause i dun like it..but this blog is the one can i can share out my feelings..so i started about charity dinner first alright??..Actually i was not going fr charity dinner..but comm ask us to help out selling drinks..i dunwan..cause it was mum's b.day and have my cousin's gathering..but at last i went..cause my parents let me go..so at last i went..cause i tink that helping out is a good thing n i rly dun mind to help..since parents let n comm call..so i went..I was so frustrated in the early..cause i someone promise me to fetch me..but she is late..i so scared im late..cause i scare scolded..luckily i went nthg..then thy call us went up...and we doin nthg!!..standing thr like idiot..then the sargent ling call us to eat..and we dunwan..cause we said we r nt hungry..then he said at least eat some..cause later walk here n thr will be very tired..so he called us too..and he called us mix with the perimbum members eat together..and we fun mind..but the place like so full..we dun dare to take the food..cause thy r eating..so at last we didnt..Honestly that day i will regret going thr..cause i dunno that selling the drinks need to here n thr..i thought just stand thr..not only that..we scolded by mr logan..cause we carrying bags..he said, '' y r u all carrying bags??''..''tell me the reason''...we r scared n we dunno what to answer..''and he said u all doing duty izit??''..n he scolded us n call us put down our bag!..I was so so so scared..but we dunno ryte??..y he scolded us??..we came here the first time , n no one telling us what to do..fine..when selling the drinks the guest showing the faces thy dun like..cause we ask n ask..is not we wanted it k?..it an order!..The worst was the idiot guy..of his fren told him that dont i got feel to him??..then i was like wth in my heart , he smile n keep looking at me..n last he bought..wth la..what thy tink me??..i not that cheap okay??..im not that ppl..so i just screw it..n then i didnt eat at all..was super pain my hand..cause carry those drinks..didnt sit at all..n feeling to vomit..luckily i bring sweet n eat~..i tink i was hungry when seeing ppl eat..zz..=.=''..it was kinda fun..i tink..cause i seeing them rly enjoy..so yeah..i tink tat it..i dunwan mention it already..after that the next morning..cousin wedding!!..so woke up rly early..i help her collect ang pau..cause she called me..so i helped her..but i didnt toke it k..and at night we had the dinner..i tell my face like ghost i tink??..its kinda over..i tink la..cause i make up by my aunty..so..i keep asking my mum, that i tink my make up like over abit??..she said nola..it not over..and she said later the spotlight dun rly see my face dy..so yeah..n i so scared when i reached thr..cause we r kinda late..n many ppl was thr seeing at me..i so shy..>.<..n the make up rly not that obvious..^_^..haha..n thy keep call us take photo..i dnwan..i shy..n the worst is comparing us again..this time cant run cause later my mum will stare at me saying i no manners??..i hate it seriously...!!cause the charity night also gt someone comparing us..n my fren go tell the diff n show it!!..i so fed up with her seriously..i dunwan mention it dy..so the dinner was great la..at last the bride give me ang pau..haha..whee..cause my sis n i helped her out i tink??..i help her hold the gaun..so the conclusion fr the dinner was not bad!!!...and so full fr the foods!!fat again..zz..although now im trying to eat less dy..lunch smtimes i eat lit sometimes i dun eat..but no result ..swt..=.=''..And today..was bored..And just now i was seriously upset!!..n dissapointed again!!..I tell u..i was not a strong girl..but im doing my best!!..I keep cried i know...so what??..im childish..n u thought i wanna do that purposely??..For what?..T.T..I trying my best dun be sad..but y u all treat me like that??..y??..what i done wrong again??..Tell me!!..u all dun like tell me la..I better dunwan to know..when i know it u know hw hurt am i??..I have to make a fake smile to u all n keep in the heart..All this while i not brave to scold u all..Cause i tink u r my fren..just fgt abt it..I rly thought u as my rly good fren..u know whatever it is..i dunwan to lose u all..i admit i very lit fren..i dunno why..mayb i done wrong??..i dunno..U all blame everyting on me n my sis??..Everyitme also i wrong??..My fren all call me to ignore u kinds of fren..but i didnt do u know??..I wanna have someone to tell..but i sure will cry..again!!..im not a perfect or good girl..i seriously do hate myself..but i have no choice??..if u hated me..curse me lo..curse me die la..u always wan ryte??T.T..>.<..now i feeling to cry..:((((((((((((((..later sure cant sleep wan..haiz..kla..nyway i wanna thanks to some of my fren..which support me..when im down~...